Breakfast

I have been informed (by my mother, my step-father, my grandfather, my mother in law and my husband) that a primary responsibility of any decent housewife is to ensure that her husband has been fed at least three times a day. This often requires preparation of breakfast, a lunch to send with him to work, and a dinner upon his coming home.

The thirty-something-year-old man who can rebuild an engine, rewire the electrical wiring in the house, and install our very own reverse osmosis water system complete with secondary faucet, can not be trusted to fry his own bacon.

So this morning, after waking early to walk our dogs, I climbed back into a bed with mismatched sheets and a blanket two months over due for a trip around the washing machine, to lay next to the man I vowed to love for all eternity. When I woke for the second time in one morning I found my husband and two dogs piled on the couch, each with their head on a different decorative pillow. I was greeted not by "Good morning, dear" or "Goooood Moornnning, Wife-o-mine!" or even my personal favorite, "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty-bum"; but by "I'm hungry and thirsty. Can you make me pancakes and coffee?" followed by his trademark pouty lip and puppy dog eyes that put our actual puppy dogs' eyes to shame.

I truly dislike cooking. I do it because if I didn't I'd end up eating fried fast food every night and I am rather fond of my arteries. Pancakes I dislike most. Why? Because it is literally impossible to make pancakes NEATLY! I can't keep 700 square feet clean under normal circumstances, now I have to add to the equation a sloppy mixture that can not pour from a spouted measuring cup without finding itself on my counter, my floor or the top of my under-the-cabinet microwave that is three feet above my head? So, as always I strike up negotiations. After three minutes I agreed to run out for specialty bagels and cream cheese, would brew our cup-at-a-time coffee when I got back, if he would empty our dishwasher - so I could load it back up with the pile in the sink upon my return. So, as far as I am concerned I met my housewife breakfast obligation because at 1:30 pm breakfast was served.